The Ashwater Experiment by Amy Goldman Koss

Author:Amy Goldman Koss [Koss, Amy Goldman]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101658277
Publisher: Penguin Young Readers Group
Published: 2001-04-23T00:00:00+00:00

Serena passed me a note in homeroom asking me if I wanted to come over to her house to swim after school. I passed back my answer, “I can’t.”

She came up to me when the bell rang. “Do you have plans with Cass?” she sneered. There was so much poison in her tone that I did not explain that it was Thursday and I always tutored Brian on Thursdays. I just stood there.

When it came time to walk into the lunchroom, I felt paralyzed. The ordeal of deciding who to sit with was suddenly more than I could handle. This is ridiculous, I told myself. It’s just a lunchroom! But I couldn’t walk in. I saw Ms. Lew heading into the teachers’ lounge and I ran after her, calling her name.

“I’m not getting anywhere with Brian,” I said. “I think maybe you should find him another tutor.”

“Fine,” she said, turning away.

“Well, I don’t seem to be making any difference,” I called after her. Ms. Lew turned back to me.

“How quickly did you expect to effect change, Hillary?” she asked. “If it was that simple—spit, spot, the boy comprehends mathematics—would he have required a tutor?”

I felt like a jerk.

“But of course the decision is entirely yours,” she continued. “You’re free to quit at any time you please. You certainly wouldn’t be the first person to give up on Brian Moore.”

I didn’t say anything.

“What’ll it be, Hillary?” Ms. Lew asked quietly.

“I’m not quitting,” I mumbled.

Ms. Lew cracked her thin smile. “Good girl,” she said. Then she walked into the teachers’ lounge and the door closed behind her.

The hall looked eerie, empty of students. I remembered walking down it the first time, with Ed loping beside me with his long, loose stride. Life had gotten so twisted since then. I wished I had my journal. I’d just curl up somewhere and scribble away in it.

I wandered down the hall, ignoring my growling stomach, and came to the library. I tried the door, expecting it to be locked, but it wasn’t. There were a few other kids there, dotted around, each separate and quiet. It had never occurred to me that I could hide out there during the day. I guess I hadn’t needed to hide up till now.

I grabbed a book off the shelf and opened my notebook in front of me, pretending to do homework. No one asked, no one noticed, no one cared. Sanctuary, I thought, a free space.

I doodled rows of X’s, thinking that the experiment was so complicated. There were suddenly so many people’s feelings to consider—Serena’s, Addy’s, Brian’s, Cass’s. And most baffling of all—my own. Maybe I could just hole up in this nice, quiet library for the rest of my time in Ashwater. Couldn’t I just back off, return to the cozy shell of life as a sleepwalker?

I could feel the Watchers peering down at me. “What will she do?” I could imagine one Watcher asking another.

“She’ll pull herself together and deal,” the second Watcher answered.

“Nah, she’ll wimp.

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